he says he knows what he wants, kylie.

[style=font-family: georgia; font-style: italic; font-size: 28px; text-shadow: #0d0d0d 1px 0px, #0d0d0d 0px 1px, #555554 0px -1px, #0d0d0d -1px 0px; color: white;]we got older but we're still young,

Sometimes, jax honestly found himself doubting his actions, even as he was spitting in kylie's face and telling her that she didn't love him, even though she made it painfully clear at times that she did. And this instance was no different. Just like all of the other times, he caught himself being a complete and total douche. And on top of it all, it was unnecessary, too. He knew that. Kylie knew that. Hell, anyone that could even begin to piece together how hellish their relationship was would be able to tell right off the bat that 99.9% of the time, it was Jax that was acting out for no reason at all. Unless if you count his insecurities as a reason to yell at his usually more than defenseless girlfriend. No matter what, he always fell into the same pattern. It killed him, honestly it did. He more than just let onto it after all the fighting was said and done. But he had to wonder to himself, and even out loud sometimes. When would enough be enough? When would Kylie finally take a stand for every bullshit thing Jax had put her through? Had accused her of? Honestly, Jax didn't want to even have to think about that. He couldn't bare with the fact that finally, she would find someone better than him. To be frank, it wouldn't be that hard. She could pick a random stranger off of the side of the road, and nine times out of ten Jax could bet you that he would be a hell of a lot better of a person than he was. But no one could love Kylie like Jax did. In some weird, demented way, this abuse, this...agonizing bout of fights they went through on a day to day basis was his way of showing hos much he loved her. He didn't want to lose her. That was the big issue. That was what sparked most of these fights and fueled the fire deep in his stomach. He was insecure, yeah, but he didn't want to lose her in that same token. He knew he could, very easily. But he didn't want to. He didn't want another man to lay a finger on her, to yell at her, or to do anything that Jax himself was already doing. Wasn't that enough? One asshole was plenty to last her a lifetime. And Jax was more than happy to be there for a lifetime. More than happy. He'd be thrilled. Ecstatic. Whatever other word you could use for it. That's all he wanted at the end of the day. To be the one and only in Kylie's life, because she sure as hell was the one and only in his life.

And that just goes to show how truly fucked up this man is.

He tried to focus on the throbbing in his palm. He tried to block out the soft sounds coming from kylie's mouth. He had to block it all out before things got any uglier. But the longer he stayed silent, the more and more his mind began to turn, and all those memories of his childhood came flooding back. His father never loved his mother. Hell, his father never even loved his own son. And once his step siblings came into the picture...well, Jax was sure as hell not the apple in anyone's eye after that. One would think, a boy who had been abused all of his life wouldn't fall into the same rut that everyone who had abused him had. But that was exactly what had happened to Jax. No matter how many times he tried to rein in his anger. No matter how many times he tried to take deep breathes and count back to ten...no matter how many times Kylie had said he was the only one for her..none of it worked. And a deep fear in the pit of Jax's stomach told him that it would never work. He would always be the same asshole as before. He'd be the guy that Kylie would tell her kids about once they started dating. “stay away from the crazy guy,” she'd say. “some men are only out to hurt you,” she'd add on. And while that statement could be directed towards any number of men in her life that had wronged her, it would always be about jax. The one that had wronged her so many times, he was surprised that their dysfunctioning relationship was still that. A relationship. It was a shitty one that that, too.

But no matter how much he regretted it, no matter how guilty he felt at the moment...that didn't stop him from ignoring what Kylie had said. She was trying to relax him, to calm him down and prevent the inevitable from happening, but as always, it wasn't working. When she moved in for a kiss, his face remained motionless, his lips barely twitching when they came into contact with her own. He blinked slowly before pushing her back with brute force. He then whirled around, a slew of curse words being mumbled under his breath. He grabbed the nearest thing to him on the counter – which at the time was a china plate – and hurled it at the wall adjacent to him. He winced at the sound the shattering plate made before ducking his head and gripping onto the edge of the counter so tightly, his knuckles began to turn white.

”stop fucking lying.” was all he could possibly manage. Ten...nine...eight..He tried so hard to calm himself. Seven...six...five...four...three...But the further back he counted, the more the fire in his heart heated up, to the point where it hurt him to not be yelling at or hitting something right now. Two...one. In one solid, quick movement, he turned back to face kylie and slammed his fist into the wall, just barely missing her face. ”all you ever do is lie..”

haley with kylie , 995 , black vneck & jeans , drama queen.

[style=font-family: georgia; font-style: italic; font-size: 28px; text-shadow: #0d0d0d 1px 0px, #0d0d0d 0px 1px, #555554 0px -1px, #0d0d0d -1px 0px; color: white;]we got older but we're still young,

jax knew when he had overdone things. there was always a breaking point for kylie it seemed. every evening that they got into a fight, she could only take so much before jax was kicked to the curb once again, only to be beckoned for a few hours later, which was when they usually made up and pretended like everything was okay again, even though it most likely wasn't, and it never would be. at least not between the two of them. jax was too jealous and insecure, and kylie would always be too damned good for him. he'd never be able to realize all of the good he had done for her. he'd never be able to realize that he had saved her from the brutal grasp her stepbrother had her in. but you see, they wouldn't be the same couple if that ever happened. they wouldn't have the same enduring, unconditional love. jax would then know that he'd never be able to lose her, and he'd take for granted something he so preciously holds now. so, in a way, even though all of this abuse and all of these accusations seemed to hurt them, it did the exact opposite. at least, that's what it looked like at times. but when jax pushed her further than what he normally did, he could tell. and it really did put a strain on their relationship. he could tell, too. this was when he started feeling guilty. when the temper slowly simmered down, and the only thing that was left was the sorry, guilty man that he always was, and always would be. at least, that's how things would be so long as he was still in the same old rut that his father was in so many years ago. things would never change, it seemed. and it was a damned shame, too, because what jax and kylie had together was something genuine, pure and true, unlike what everyone else around them had. their friends claimed to be in love, but it was all fake. at least the feelings between jax and kylie were... well, completely true.

"kylie..." he mumbled, his voice wavering slightly. he was about done with all of this to be completely honest. the fighting, the wondering when it would all finally be enough. maybe this was like how it always went. jax wouldn't know, though. it felt like this was the first time that any of this was happening to them, even though he knew for a fact that it had happened more times than he could possibly count. he wasn't proud of who he was or who he had become. all his life, he had told himself he'd never be like his father, but that was exactly what he had done. he had become the same cold and abusive man that he had resented all of his life. and above all, he was doing it to the woman he loved and adored and cherished more than anything else in the world. how was that even possible? you'd think a gentle and understanding girl like kylie would be exactly the type to steer him from being that kind of man. but sadly and unfortunately for the both of them, it was the exact opposite in his case. and that left him constantly trying to pick up the pieces and apologizing, trying to get some innocence that their relationship used to have earlier on, back when they still lived in canada near both of their demons. for jax, it was his step brothers and father that constantly haunted him in his sleep. for kylie, it was her evil, slimy little stepbrother. and they both saved each other from them. but now, in myrtle beach, they had other worries to trouble their pretty little minds. for kylie, it was her abusive boyfriend. for jax, it was himself. but it looked like, in jax's grim view of life anyways, there was no way of saving either of them any time soon. the only way he could think of saving kylie was to straight up just leave her and never look back. but he couldn't do that. he loved her too goddamned much to even think about not being with her.

"marry me." he finally said after a long moment of abrupt, dead silence. "not now, not for a while. not till i can afford something nice for you. that you deserve." his voice cracked at the end, and he cleared his throat and looked down at his feet. jax looked back up, his eyes burning. "just let us make this one promise to each other, kylie. to love each other forever and never hurt one another again.." it wasn't a fool proof plan, but at this point in time, jax was desperate to believe anything could help their hell bound relationship.

haley with kylie , rly short omg , black vneck & jeans , oh snap...