CAMPIONI, illeana tatiana

I was born Tatiana Sergeyevna Markova, but that is no longer my name. I am known as Illeana Tatiana Campioni now and have been known that way since marriage, my last name before my marriage was Salvatici from the time i was nine years old till my wedding day. Born on December 28th, 1990 I am twenty two years old currently. I was born in Russia then was bought and moved to live in Sicily, Italy. I am a strong woman, a wife, and a ballet teacher.

Growing up I moved around a lot, my father was a stranger and my mother was part of a russian child selling ring led by a man named Sergei who claimed all children born as his own. The women would get pregnant from strangers when they sold themselves as sex workers and then when the child was born they would find a buyer and sell us. I was kept because they had intended to raise me to be a 'mother' instead of selling me as a child so I moved with them when they changed locations to avoid being caught. When I was nine years old I tried running away, a man who was visiting as a tourist at the time helped me when I was in trouble and when he asked me where I was from I didn't want to answer him. I tried to get away but couldn't because he wouldn't let me. Eventually I gave in and told him where I was from because he threatened me with taking me to the authorities and i'd been taught not to trust them because they wouldn't help me only hurt me and my "family".

When he took me back he made a deal, he wanted to take me with him because he saw potential to be a strong woman and so he and his wife adopted me as their daughter and gave me a new name. How they made it legal I never knew but in the eyes of the law worldwide I am their daughter. Once I had moved in with my new family they began teaching me and actually took care of me. They taught me better english and also italian so that my russian accent would fade which it has. They made sure I learned well to not only make sure I was smart but to mold me into a strong woman that could be depended on and be a good wife to my husband when I had one. They let me learn dance as well because it taught control and to be graceful. When I was sixteen I learned of the arrangement for me to be married to a man of an italian family whom was part of the Sicilian mafia. When I was seventeen and he had just turned twenty one we were wed and that became my new life. Being the wife of a man of power isn't easy but it is something i handle well.

Things changed in the last year, a mistake was made and names given of people who were involved in everything. There were arrests and we were supposed to be on that list, my husband and I. Having very little to do with anything wouldn't have saved me from being arrested as well. Somehow he made a deal or convinced them that we weren't actually involved or just greased their palms to make sure they didn't take us and our names disappeared from the list. Either way we had to move because you don't avoid arrest when the whole is going down without someone trying to use you for revenge or to blame you...things like that. He decided we would move, got a job here in the hospital since he is in fact a doctor even if his skills were mostly used within the mafia instead of a regular practice. We...acquired some money when things went down. Secret accounts that won't be tapped by anyone arrested because they are not going to be able to. The money we have has led to a good life for the past half of a year we've been here.

We keep our secrets and live our lives here but I have a feeling he is up to something or that we'll be going back.

My parents, the ones who adopted me had a plan when taking me in and making me their own. I was young enough still to be "trained" or taught to be how they wished for me to be. My thankfulness at being saved from the life I would have lived should I have stayed in russsia was also an aid in making me do as they wished because I didn't want to be sent back or sold again. I learned their lessons, did as told and became the woman they wanted. That means that I have strength while knowing how to follow another's orders or rules. I may do as told but I am strong enough still to hold up under pressure and to be a support for my husband. Desirable qualities such as obedience, dependence without being needy/clingy, as well as being intelligent, loyal, devoted, courteous, practical, reliable, and other similar traits are things I either learned to be or learned to seem adept at.

I am most of those things but maybe not always practical or courteous but I do my best to keep that to myself. I don't depend solely on my husband for everything like I was taught to do because that takes away from my inner strength which I refuse to give up. I will always be a woman who has a sharp tongue as needed and who can make the tough decisions the same. I have faults like my poor habit of not always thinking about what I say before it passes my lips or how I sometimes just want to smack my husband for never asking my opinion on things. I have fears, weaknesses, and strengths the same as anyway like how I'm afraid to ever try getting closer to my husband because he only sees me as a type of..."trophy wife" who is only there to please him and make him look good. I am weak because I still dream of better things and because I act so much for my husband I fear losing myself. I'm strong because despite everything here I stand the woman you see today able to handle anything and keep others from knowing my fear. I do not cry in front of anyone, I do not let them see weakness in me. That is for myself privately only, a lesson I learned from my mother.

Oh his name, I've not mentioned it have I? That is fault of my own since I generally leave names out when speaking, another thing I was trained to do growing up. He is Luciano. My marriage was arranged by my parents, I was eleven when the decision was made for me though I didn't learn of it until I was sixteen. I was married just after turning seventeen and have been a faithful wife and companion to my husband. Luc is a good man even if he's not a man I have chosen for myself. Since we were married he's taken care of me and seen to it that my needs are met. He only asks of me what any husband would do and he has not hit me without just cause even though violence is part of the life he lives so I wouldn't have been surprised if it was a common thing. No he is not an abusive man and the times he has struck me are few and even I can see the reason behind them such as my mouth running when I should know to be silent or when I have defied him which only happened once to his knowledge.

Our relationship feels more to me like a partnership than a loving marriage though to anyone looking at us we seem to have a perfect marriage. I was taught to make it seem that way and to keep personal as personal because the public need not know everything. There are things desires or needs that I do not wish to give him yet, such as a child because he is from a large family where the children are cherished and loved and there are many to each member of the family, it seems a minimum of three is required to them. I have nothing against children or big families but I know that children born into this family are expected to be raised to be part of this family and it's dangerous life. I am hoping for a day when Luc chooses not to be part of it anymore, it may or may not come but I'm also not yet ready to devote my life to being a mother. I take contraceptives that he is unaware of though he refuses to use them himself and he seems to be waiting for the "news" to come that I'm pregnant. He's asked me once or twice if I have any medical conditions that would prevent us getting pregnant and I suspect he had himself checked but he hasn't yet asked me to have a medical exam and hopefully he won't. When I'm ready I'll stop taking the pills and he can be a father then but I won't be forced into mother hood if I can avoid it until I am comfortable with the thought of it.

It was difficult at times because of the expectations and the dangers. I was directly at risk few enough times to count on my fingers but there was always the chance that I would be or the chance that he wouldn't come home because someone got pissed off and killed him. I may not have ever heard my husband tell me he loves me in the time we've been married while never saying the same to him for fear of what he will think of me, but that does not mean I do not care about him or that I want to be told he is missing or dead. He is my husband, my family and I want him safe at my side. When he can not be there I want him to be as safe as possible but his job was a risk he chose to take. I learned to deal with it and to deal with strangers stopping by, learning to read ones with bad intent so that I was safer but that wasn't always something you could tell either so it didn't work 100% of the time.

It is a scary life to live, you have to be strong enough to handle it and willing to face it every day when you wake up. Luckily I could do that and it worked for us while we were there but this move here? I won't lie and say I don't hope it will settle him and make him rethink it. I hope we never return to that so we can be safe here and live normal lives. I guess that goes back to my weakness of dreaming for a better things? A life without the fear of being told Luc is dead or that someone will come to our home with the intention of hurting us or killing us would be wonderful but what my husband chooses and where he goes I will be at his side. I can handle it.

Thank you. It is freeing to be able to speak about this to someone and know that maybe some day others will gain strength from my own strength or that they will know what I have survived through and how anyone can be strong if determined enough.