Post by ROSA BRENNAN on Oct 14, 2012 5:50:10 GMT -5
[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 500px; -moz-border-radius: 20px 0px 20px 0px; border-radius: 20px 0px 20px 0px; padding: 10px; border: #000000 solid 0px; ] stuck in this daydream. [style=font-family: helvetica; font-size: 13px; letter-spacing: 6px; text-transform: uppercase; text-align: center;]RUBY FULL NAME: rosa kathleen brennan ALIAS: rose, kathy DATE OF BIRTH: 21 october 1988 AGE: twenty three OCCUPATION: journalist SEXUALITY: heterosexual PLAY BY: lauren budd TOURIST [style=background-color: #65727A; border: 10px solid #65727A; font-family: georgia; letter-spacing: 10px; color: white; text-align: center;]all about me december 21st, 2002 dad, i hate you, you know? you have no idea how angry i am with you. how completely and utterly annoyed that you left me with her. all for what? some extra little petty cash from your side "business" for some mittens? i am perfectly fine without them! i don't need those! what i needed was my dad to be there when i needed him! and guess what? you're not here! it's only been two weeks without you and i already feel like i'm dying. how could you do this to me? or any of us for that matter? you're probably hanging your head down low, feeling guilt, sorrow, and regret. well let me give you something to regret. do you want to know what it's like living without you? i'll tell you what it's like to be living life with a father that's in jail, a mother that spends every penny on alcohol, and raising five younger siblings when you're only fourteen. fourteen, dad! i'm not even legally an adult yet. i'm barely a teenager myself. i've had to, literally, fight with mom to get a hold of the cash you've left behind just so she can't spend it on alcohol and i can spend it on food for the kids. and let me tell you. she's one hell of a puncher. on top of my tutoring job, i've also had to take the waitressing job, so there's at least a little bit of income in our family. god knows we're going to need it. what with you being in jail and mother being a stubborn drinker. oh! and even better yet, it's christmas soon and guess what we have under the tree? oh wait, what tree? you're not here to help us put it up and mother is useless. the cherry on top, though, will have to be the best one yet. kaitlinn, your youngest one (you remember her right?) she has a high fever and needs to go to the doctor but who's going to be her guardian for the prescription of drugs? not me. you know why? because i'm not bloody legal! so you know what, dad? thanks a lot. you can go drown in your guilt now. pissed, rosa november 8th, 2005 dad, it's been three years already. and while i'm not going to apologize for what i've said in my last mail, i will apologize for not coming to see you. or at least write you. to say i've been busy would be an understatement. i don't really know where to start or even what to say to you. i guess i'll start with mom. she's still drinking like the world depends on it. to be honest, i'm a little surprised and (i'm going to hell for saying this but whatever) peeved that she hasn't drank herself to death yet. we've come to an agreement to not speak to each other. she can do whatever the hell she wants as long as she earns her own money to buy her stupid drinks. i don't care what she does to get it, and to be honest, dad, you shouldn't either. aislinn just turned 14, and she's doing as well as any one of us could be doing. she, herself, has taken on two jobs to help me with the kids even though i told her she didn't have to. but you know her. she likes to help even when help isn't needed. cormac is finally a teen, and you know teenage boys. rowdy and hungry. not to mention the ego. now that he thinks he's all grown up, it's his duty to look after all of us. but rest assured, i'm not letting him work. i'd rather he concentrate on school because aislinn and i both know how hard it is to juggle school and work at the same time. plus, the two of us make just enough money for us all to use for school and food. ronan is eleven as of tomorrow and he is just one troublemaker. he's worst than cormac. maire and sean are your typical nine year olds. everything is all about fun in their world. as for me.... well i'm falling behind in school mainly because i took a third job, but i'm getting by. i'm in my senior year so i really have to step up my game if i want to go to college. and i know you'd go into your overprotective drive but since you're not here, i thought i'd share this. don't tell anyone (not that you can) but you have to swear because the kids don't even know. you might know him. or at least know of him or his family. anyway, i've recently started dating ashton grande. and i know his parents don't approve of me. we're from two different worlds. but i swear, daddy, he's amazing. he treats me like i'm his princess, but we have to keep this a secret. from everyone. which sucks because sometimes i just want to scream to the world that he's mine. but life is not fair. well anyway, my break is over. i hope you're doing well daddy. i really miss you. and if i could, i would visit you. and i am, no doubt, furious with you for being so stupid and getting yourself sent to jail, but no matter how many times i say i hate you, what i really mean is i love you like crazy. love always, rosa may 17th, 2005 hey daddy, happy belated birthday daddy! i tried sending you a gift but they said you can't have it, so it will be right here in my room, waiting for you. so be good, okay? be good so you can get on parole sooner. good news is, my grades are improving. i've been studying harder, working harder, and playing less. you're going to hate me for what i'm about to tell you daddy. you'll think the worst of me, but i had to tell someone. i needed to tell someone. i'm pregnant. before you have a heart attack, i'm not anymore.... ashton knew about the baby. i wanted to keep it. i just couldn't get an abortion. to me, abortion was murder. and i couldn't do that to my own child daddy. but i lost the both of them. i lost ash and the baby. i didn't think it was a good idea, but ashton wanted to tell his parents. he promised me that it would be okay. he promised. instead, he disappeared. after he promised everything was going to be okay, he vanished. just like that daddy. i didn't hear a word from him. didn't even get a glimpse from him. i didn't even get to say goodbye before he left to go study in america. maybe it was all just a lie. maybe he wanted his parents to find out so he wouldn't have to deal with it. maybe he didn't love me as much as i loved him. i'm such a fool, daddy. still, as much as it tore my world apart to have him out of my life, i still wanted the baby. but i didn't get to daddy. his parents told me i couldn't. not directly. but a man came to me after work one day. he told me they'd take the kids away. send them to child services because mother wasn't fit and i wasn't legal to be their guardian. i couldn't let that happen. the kids need me and i need them. and don't be angry daddy. promise me. right now. say i promise. do it. i don't care how crazy it looks. just promise me. good. well.... they also.... they said they'd pull some strings. make you stay in jail longer. and that couldn't happen either. the kids need you. they've been without you for so long. they need their dad. so.... i did. i got an abortion. i'm okay. at least, that's what i tell myself. maybe if i tell myself that enough times, i'll pull myself together. but it hurts daddy. i miss him so much. i miss you. and i miss my baby. but i can't show that i'm hurting. the kids will know. they'll worry. i don't want them to worry. that's my job. it's my job to worry that they have enough money for food, clean clothes to wear, have a roof over their head. but i'm tired. i'm so tired daddy. i can't stop though. studying and working. they're my distractions. and i need all the distractions i can get. i love you daddy. missing you, rosa. august 25th, 2005 can you believe i'm starting college soon? 'cause i sure can't. oh daddy, you have no idea how nervous i am. i've worked so hard just to get here. it hasn't been easy to save up the money for tuition. but i did it! this is it. this is where my life begins. it's going to help me decide what i want to do in life. oh, i wish you would be here for my first day of school. just like you used to. you'd hold my hand real tight and have trouble letting go. you were afraid i'd run off and never come back. maybe this time if you hold my hand, i'll let you keep me. i'll let you hold me tight and never let me go. well, i have to go to orientation. i know it's a short letter, but i'll write you another one when school starts! love you like always, rosa june 30th, 2009 hey daddy, i did it! i graduated with honours. valedictorian too. this is my last letter to you. my last letter should have been years ago, but i couldn't bring myself to stop the letters. it was our tradition after all. we were supposed to write each other until i get to see you again. but that won't be for a while now, won't it? it's been two years since i've received your last letter. i miss you so much daddy. i wish you would have told me you were sick. i wish you would have told me you were leaving me for good. i didn't know. you didn't let me say goodbye. you didn't let the kids say goodbye. sometimes i still believe you here. that you're not really gone. maybe it's cause i know you're watching over me. i know you're always with me when i need you, making sure i'm safe. protecting me. just like you always do. i miss you so much. i hope you're not reading this letter over my shoulder right now. or laughing in your grave at me for being silly cause i'm crying. you'll always be in my heart. don't laugh at me, but i still have the mittens you bought me seven years ago. i can't hold onto you forever. i can't keep pretending you're not dead. but i can keep a part of you with me. and i will never let that part go. it's time for me to stop grieving and move on. love you for eternity, rosa december 8th, 2011 hey kids! i know i said i'd call, but it's more fun to write letters, don't you think? don't grumble at me ronan. anyway! it's safe to say i've settled into new york. ish. okay, so the lifestyle is a little different and people here are crazy, but! give it a little time and i will adjust. so i've landed my dream job at people magazine! alright. so i'm starting off as errand girl, but i can only work my way up from here, right? right. now i hope you're all studying hard. especially you ronan. we all know you're the party animal of us six. and cormac, try to let loose a little. the world's not going to end if you don't study for one day of the week. aislinn, you're going to work yourself to death. don't pull a me. maire, you put any more make up on your face and people are going to start calling you a hoe. wipe that shit off your face. we're brennan's. brennan girls look much more beautiful natural. but i do praise you for making head cheerleader this year. just don't forget about your studies, okay? and sean, i worry about you the most. you have a tendency to throw parties while i'm away and we all know i'm not coming back for a while. you throw any parties that get out of hand or more than once every three weeks, i am dragging your ass out to new york with me and you will be under house arrest for the rest of your life. understood? good. now if any of y'all need to reach me, you know my number. call me any time of the day. i mean it. you need me and i will be on the first flight back. i promise. be good! blah blah blah. love you all! rosa october 5th, 2012 dear aislinn, where are you?! i've been calling you the past week and you haven't once picked up or called back. any way. i am totally freaking out over here. boss from hell just gave me the opportunity of a life time. she is letting me publish an article on her column. you would think it is fantastic news, but it's not! i have to interview someone, but you will never guess who it is. in fact, you don't even want to guess. but i will tell you. ashton grande. i have to do an article on ashton bloody grande. i am so screwed. this is the end of my career. just like that. i didn't even have my first major breakthrough yet, and my life is over! what am i going to do?! she wants me to do a piece on his life. something juicy. get close to him and dig up something from his past, something that no one knows about. i tried telling her that i couldn't! that i can't get close to him because i know him. because i've been with him, but she didn't even give me a chance to explain! she just shooed me out the door and put me on the first flight to myrtle beach. i'm on said plane as i'm writing this and i am panicking. like hyperventilating, heart racing, sweaty palms panicking. because let's face it. i can't exactly write an article about my past with him! only you know about it and if cormac or ronan ever found out.... oh god... i don't even want to think about what they'd do. maybe he has something juicier. i just.... have to figure out how to talk to him without totally breaking down like a pathetic little girl. or hide at just the sight of him. i can do that..... i think..... you believe in me, right? oh god. i'm so screwed. i'm a dead woman. nice knowing ya sis. tell the kids i love them. dead, rosa. |
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