blast from the past [rosa]

[ASHTON GRANDE]

MY PRIDE STILL FEELS THE STING

YOU WERE MY EVERYTHING

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: B8B8B8; border: #550505 solid 4px; width: 400px; padding: 15 5 15 5px;] a twenty-four hour shift at the fire station left a bit of privacy to be desired at times. at least he had the next forty-eight off to relax. right after he got off of his shift he went home for the wonderful feeling of falling asleep in his own bed, waking up at three in the afternoon with little to do. the house, of course, was in perfect order with the fridge fully stocked and every room cleaned. perks of being a grande, his parents had gotten him a maid, even though he'd tried to protest their decision when he'd set up a life at myrtle beach, they insisted that he should live like a grande even though he was not in ireland. it was all ash had been bale to do to convince them to let him live alone and not have full time maids. the last thing he needed was his parents have constant eyes on him while he was an entire world away, trying to make a life for himself for once. they'd meddled enough in his future by having him move to america in the first place. when he'd first come to america it had been a curse. he'd had to leave all of his friends. his cousins. rosa, and their little surprise... he'd hated his parents for it. but once university had hit he'd adjusted quickly. there was little time to focus on being bitter when you had classes to work for, a new social life to take up your time, and in general too many things on your mind to focus on being bitter. life was fast paced in america, and within time he'd quickly learned that hey, things weren't so bad if you put your past behind you. he could actually say by now that he really enjoyed living in america. despite frequent calls to his parents, now his father, to check in with him and give him an update of what ashton was doing, he had more freedom here than he had ever had in ireland, even when he was on the other side of the country from them at the private school he went to for a few years. he could live his own life here, and he loved it. eventually, of course, he would have to move back to ireland... but that could be delayed for as long as possible. until then america was definitely his home. the firestation always restricted the amount of time he was allowed to work. twenty-four hours straight, then forty-eight for him to spend at home, relax, and unwind. thankfully the shift he'd just spent had been fairly uneventful. two home fires, but no fatalities. those were the worst calls to go to. going into a burning building, pulling out an unconscious victim trapped inside only to find out that they didn't make it, or in some cases weren't even alive when you found them. being too late was terrible. the faces of their families, their own faces, hung on his mind for days or weeks, haunting him, always making him think 'what if we'd gotten there sooner?' on those shifts the forty-eight hours to unwind were definitely needed, but on relatively uneventful shifts such as the last twenty-four hours ashton was left seeing that he really just had very little to do. he was completely rested, probably enough to be awake until five am tomorrow... maybe he'd hit up a club. it was early to go to one yet, but that could provide plenty of entertainment for the evening... and then he still had over a day to get rid of any hangover he might acquire. now, though, there was time to kill and a beautiful sandy paradise stretched out right in front of his home, one fo the luxurious beach houses along the shoreline of myrtle beach. it was really a beautiful day weather-wise, so he would be insane not to take advantage of the warm weather despite the time of year. he set out along the beach wearing jeans and a white t-shirt, hands in his pockets as he kicked a rock along the sand, looking out over the ocean. there were a few other people here and there along the beach, but it wasn't overly populated. it usually wasn't in this area, because it was more of a private area due to the houses around. not exclusively private, but if people were going to spend time at the beach they generally preferred to stay away from the houses. ash wandered closer to the water, walking along the edge of where the waves lapped the shores in silence until he noticed a figure up ahead... he could only see the side of her face, she was facing mainly away from him, but there was something strangely familiar about what he could see... something that stopped the heir in his tracks for a moment, watching her for a good twenty seconds before his feet started to move again, taking him closer. it couldn't be her... what the hell would she be doing here? but he had to check. "hey!" he called out, hoping to get her to turn towards him and confirm or dismiss his suspicions. words; 873 tag; rosa! note; <3333 template made by missickle

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[ROSA BRENNAN]

[atrb=border,0,true] and i'm so sorry that i loved you sorry that i needed you twelve days. it's been twelve days since her boss gave her the assignment. eleven days since the woman practically pushed her on the plane. and it had been ten days since her plane landed her in myrtle beach. a completely foreign place with no one to help her. but at least this place was more tamed than new york. less crowded. it kind of reminded her of home. there wasn't particularly a large crowd hanging around the pace of life wasn't exactly a rush. but at the same time, it was completely different. this place was all sunshine and blue skies. home was rain. home was raining one second, sunny the next, and then pouring rain. home was seeing pieces of land for miles. no houses lining the streets. no cut down trees and artificial grass. home was where she belonged but haven't been for the past year and a half and she missed it like crazy. more importantly. she missed her siblings. but she had no choice. this was her career now. her life. and if boss lady told you to jump off a bridge, you don't dare to disobey her. if boss lady said go to myrtle beach to do an article on ashton grande, you better do one hell of an article on ashton grande or be prepared to say goodbye to your journalism career. and rosa was definitely not ready to say goodbye to her career yet. it hasn't even started. this was her first breakthrough. her chance to show her boss just how much she deserved to be a regular columnist and not just an errand girl. she just had to figure out how to write this article without a.) disappointing boss lady b.) running into ashton grande and c.) running away like scaredy cat. she just had to figure out how to make the impossible happen. she couldn't risk getting fired, but she, also, couldn't risk running into ashton either. she knew it's been six years since they last saw each other and a lot about her has changed. still, she didn't want to take the chance that he recognized her. just in case. because how embarrassing would that be? he was the one who left her after all. she wasn't the dumper. she was the dumpee. and worst of all. he left because she was pregnant with his kid and wanted to keep said child. how could she even face him? but it has been ten days and she had yet to figure out how to make it all happen. rosa knew that her boss would be calling her any day now, wondering how far she's progressed. she could just imagine what her boss would ask her. "have you run into him yet?" or "you need to get close to him rosa. i need details on his life. something no other magazines know about. can you do that for me?" and how was she going to answer those questions? she had no idea. she blew at her bang exasperatedly. she had been trying to put off any calls her boss has made, but she knew she couldn't avoid the devil's advocate for long. she rubbed at her temples as she roamed around town before finally finding the beach. as much as she loved home. this was the one thing she never got to have. beautiful sandy beach and cerulean warn blue sea. she needed to relax and free her mind. maybe then she'll come up with some ideas on just how she was going to do this article. she wished aislinn were here. in fact. she wished all her siblings were here. while they all gave her a headache and a constant pain in her rear end, they were family and she was in desperate need of them. growing up had been hard. she had pretty much raised each and every single one of them on her own. she had no other choice. her father was in jail and her mother was an alcoholic. if she wasn't going to take care of them, no one will. it was why she worked so hard. sometimes nearly to the point of death just so she could give them everything she never got to have. of course, aislinn, being only two years younger than her, had helped. still, aislinn was her little sister. she was just as much as her responsibility as the twins. she did everything she could for them. sometimes she starved herself just so she could get them what they wanted for their birthday or christmas. sometimes she had to skip a class to take an extra shift at work so she could earn a little more money for all of their school tuition. her entire life had been dedicated to them. they all depended on her. but now that she was away from home and finally living her own life, who knew she would be the one who needed them the most? she slipped out of her flip flops and held the straps of the pair loosely between her index finger and thumb as her feet dove into the soft sand. the beach was relatively quiet, but it was probably because it was so near people's homes. half way down the beach she dropped her bag and flip flops on the pile of sand and unzipped her grey hoodie, leaving her in her black bikini top and jean shorts as she made her way closer to the water. even though she missed home, she had to admit she could get used to this. the warm water rushing up and meeting the skin of her legs, the sun shining down on her. home had water, but it was like diving into a freezer filled with water that had yet been turned into ice. and right now, being in sunny myrtle beach, she was half tempted to just rid her shorts and jump right into the water. but, instead, she settled for watching the sunset and feeling the water greeting her every other second, arms crossed against her chest and just thinking about anything everything. she jumped slightly when she heard someone shout at her. at least she thought he was shouting at her. cautiously, she turned her head towards the voice, her heart nearly jumping out of its rib cage. her eyes widened with recognition. ashton grande. but she immediately masked the recognition and placed on a well practiced look of confusion. she pointed at herself as if asking him "who? me?" she looked behind her, but she was on her own at this side of the beach. "um... hello. could i help you with something?" she asked, hoping that he would fall for it and think that he recognized the wrong person. she really hoped that he would buy because she had absolutely no idea what to say to him. she didn't know whether to continue playing the confused girl or just say "to hell with it" and run for her life like the pathetic girl that she was. tag: ashton / wearing: this / notes: she's all "don't recognize me!"

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[ASHTON GRANDE]

MY PRIDE STILL FEELS THE STING

YOU WERE MY EVERYTHING

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: B8B8B8; border: #550505 solid 4px; width: 400px; padding: 15 5 15 5px;] there were faces, for every being on the earth, that one would never forget. for some people those faces belonged to family members, parents, best friends, the people who had made a huge impact on your life, the people that you never wanted to forget. even if you didn't see them for decades and forgot details of their appearance, overall you would remember them, have a set idea of what they looked like in your mind, something that would create recognition if you saw them. for ashton, rosa was one of those people. a little romance, at first assumed to be a short thing, but it had grown into more until he'd been basically shoved out of the country by his family. a small picture of the two of them from one of the days they'd spent together, lying in a drawer in his house, was the only thing he had to remember her appearance by and that was eight years old. people changed a lot in eight years, he knew... and there was no possible reason for her to be in america, near him. her home was in ireland, with her family, and yet... the woman looked like her, just from the sideways glance he had. he needed to be sure. and then she turned around, and any doubt ash might have had about her identity faded. his eyes widened, mouth hanging open slightly (the phrase 'shut your mouth before it drowns' came to mind once he realized what he was doing and closed it). "um... hello. could i help you with something?" she didn't seem as though she recognized him, which, if ashton were thinking clearly, might be hard for him to believe. even though he was in america he knew he was still in media spotlight in ireland, paparazzi photos (when they managed to take them) from america were sent over to ireland and published in magazines, and he'd had cameras following him all the time last year when he'd returned home for his mother's funeral... it was not easy for him to go unrecognized, and he knew without a doubt that this was rosa... ex-girlfriend (of sorts), mother of his kid... he hadn't wanted to leave her without a word. of course not. he'd had faith in his parents, and had truly believed that they would help himself and rosa out with their... situation. rosa had wanted to keep the child, and he wasn't about to try to convince her otherwise. it was his, too. inconvenient, yes, but they couldn't punish the baby for their own stupidity. he'd thought his parents would support his decision, though he knew they wouldn't bea fan of rosa's status... and their blow up had been completely unexpected. his phone, taken away without a word so that he no longer could contact her, or anyone his parents didn't want him contacting for that matter. his freedom to go out with friends on nights completely restricted by the bodyguard constantly hanging over his shoulder, watching his every move while appearing to the public to merely protect him. any piece of technology that could have been used to contact rosa was taken away, and all the while his parents told him it was for his own good, the good of his father's business, the good of his future... they'd told him rosa would be fine. they'd make sure of it. that hadn't exactly appeased him, but after struggling for weeks to try to talk to her again and escape his parent's iron fist he was shipped off to america, leaving her thousands of miles behind. he could only imagine how terrified she must have been, alone and pregnant, but his intention had never been to just abandon her. now that she was actually in front of him, though... well, he had absolutely no idea what to say. instead he just found himself watching her for what seemed like a decade, but was probably only a few seconds of awkward silence before he finally found his voice to speak what were probably the most pathetic greeting ever, "long time no see, rosa." words; 873 tag; rosa! note; <3333 template made by missickle

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[ROSA BRENNAN]

[atrb=border,0,true] and i'm so sorry that i loved you sorry that i needed you rosa had loved ashton. despite the fact that they had been young and had barely known each other for long, she had fallen hopelessly in love with the one person that lived in a completely different world than she did. he lived in luxury. he didn't have to work for anything and he had parents, although overbearing, that actually cared about him. she grew up to, really, only one parent until she was fourteen years old. her mother was barely involved in her or her sibling's life. actually, barely would be pushing it. she rarely saw her mother. and on the off chance that she did, her mother was either on the way to getting drunk or sporting one hell of a hangover. and she absolutely loved her father. he was her best friend. until, that is, he got himself sent to jail, leaving her to take care of the entire family. she loved her siblings, but she didn't expect having to raise all of them on her own at the age of fourteen. by that time, she was going to school from eight in the morning to three in the afternoon and then worked from then until two in the morning. and between that time and getting ready for school, she either spent it doing her homework, making lunch for the kids or taking a nap. ashton lived in riches, and she lived in dirt. there was no way that his parents would ever let him get involved with a girl like her. they wouldn't approve of her living conditions or where she came from. they'd never let their son get involved with someone who didn't have money. someone who's father was caught dealing drugs and whose mother drank on a daily basis. nevermind that she was nothing like her parents, they still wouldn't approve of her. she wasn't fit to be in their son's life. she knew how rich people worked. you see it enough in tv shows, let alone real life. rich people were too hung up on image. and god knows it's scandalous if someone falls for someone that was filthy poor and came from a bad family. money, fame, status, looks, they were just all too important to these people. so despite the fact that she had been falling in love with ashton, they had somehow managed to convince the one man she ever loved to leave her behind without even a goodbye. just a promise that everything was going to be all right. but nothing was. in fact. things were worst. much worst. she didn't know if it was his idea or if it was his parents. it didn't matter. all that mattered was that they made her get rid of her child, and she would never forgive them for it. but it was either that or watch her father ans siblings suffer the consequences for her. and as much as she loved her unborn child, she could never do that to her siblings or dad. they meant the world to her. anything that threatened the well being of her family was enough to send rosa on her knees, bending over backwards to get things done for you. the only good thing, if you could even consider it that, that came out of this whole ordeal was that it made her work harder. the more emotional pain she was in, the more she needed the distraction. and what better way to distract herself than to throw her life into her studies and working day and night to support her siblings? she devoted all her time into everyone around her, making sure they had new clothes to wear, food to eat. she made sure there was still a roof over their heads, electric bills were paid. she did everything she could to concentrate on everyone but herself. and anyone who was close to her could see that she was killing herself. she rarely slept, barely kept a meal in her stomach, and spread herself way too thin, but did she listen? of course not. this was how she dealt with the lost of not only the man she loved, but also the death of her child. aislinn thought she was a fool to cry over ashton. her sister didn't think he was worth it. that he was the asshole for leaving her behind. he didn't deserve her tears. or her in general. but she couldn't help it. call her a fool or whatever you wished, but she loved him. as crazy as that sounded, she loved him. and the worst part of it all, even after all these years of being apart, she still loved him. no one caught her eye quite like he did in these past eight years. she went on a few dates, but no one made her feel the way ashton did. but, to her, it was clear that he had moved on. even though his life was in america, news story of him were still popular in ireland. while she lived her life, working her butt off, he was having the time of his life in college, partying, meeting and dating new girls. girls who made him smile. who made him happy. and it just absolutely killed her to know that she wasn't that girl. but she would never be that girl. it has been too long and it wasn't like her status in life wasn't any different than when she was sixteen years old. and standing here now, she could see that not much has changed about ashton. he still looked handsome as ever. maybe a little more defined, slightly bigger, and his bone structure gave him more of a scruffy man look. but seeing him here reminded her of all those days they spent together. she swallowed hard as he spoke her name. his voice was deeper, but the way he said her name hadn't changed. she could see why she had fallen in love with him. despite the fact that she could give him nothing and was worth absolutely nothing, he still treated her like a princess. all she wanted was to be back in his arms and have him whisper that everything was going to be okay. but she couldn't. because seeing him now also reminded her of the betrayal and the heartache. he abandoned her. he hadn't said a single word. didn't tell her he was leaving. she didn't even know he was leaving until it was all over the news. he didn't come say goodbye. he just left. she had waited for him to come back. to call her or email her. or hell, even write her a letter. but there was nothing. not even a text telling her it was over. and standing here, so close to him, the tidal wave of hurt came rushing over her again. she bit down on her lower lip, eyes closed to fight back the tears before her icy blue eyes looked back at the man before her, "ashton" she breathed out, crossing her arms over her stomach, trying to quench the queasiness she felt. "it's been a while hasn't it? eight years?" she asked rhetorically as if this was any old conversation between two people, "how have you been?" tag: ashton / wearing: this / notes: <33333

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[ASHTON GRANDE]

MY PRIDE STILL FEELS THE STING

YOU WERE MY EVERYTHING

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: B8B8B8; border: #550505 solid 4px; width: 400px; padding: 15 5 15 5px;] thousands of miles had separated them for eight years. once upon a time ashton could barely go three hours without sending her a text, two days without seeing her in person, holding her hand, keeping her close... and then an ocean between them for eight years, made even harder for him because of their shared secret. he hated not being there for her, but his family had told him that everything was okay. they told him she gave the child up, that she didn't have the added burdan of another mouth to feed on top of everything going on in her life... and what reason did he have not to believe them? sure, they'd sent him to america, but why would they lie about something as serious as his own kid? and as long as the child wasn't in the picture, with school slowly taking over his life and having to adjust to america, ashton had allowed himself to try to move on from her. after all, they'd been dating for less than a year. it wasn't like she was supposed to be 'the one'. they came from two completely different worlds, and had just found some common ground in personalities that they liked in each other. eventually he'd decided to stop thinking of ways to contact her and let her move on, too. that didn't mean he'd ever forgotten about her, or that he had ever wanted to forget. he'd missed her. he'd dated in america, but they were fleeting relationships, more of flings than true relatonships really. and girls in america were often so greedy... they found out, or knew, that his family had money and instantly he became a jewellery dispenser to them? there was only so much of the mooching that ash would put up with before he called it quits. he'd only found one or two genuine girls in this country so far, and those relationships had ended for other reasons soon enough... and after each breakup he found his mind turning back to rosa, wondering what she would have thought of the other girl. if she would have found her too greedy, too 'princessy', too whatever negative trait could be found... and few of them could compare to rosa, once he looked back on them. maybe it was because she was his first long relationship, or because she'd been the first girl he'd slept with, and then there was the obvious factor of their child, but there was something that would always set her apart from random girls he picked up at bars that turned into a little bit more. it had always been a moot point when he'd thought she was in ireland... after all, why would she ever come to america? "ashton it's been a while hasn't it? eight years? how have you been?" he had had countless ideal scenarios of reuniting with rosa run through his mind, most of them in the first few months of his being pulled away from her and sent to america. in all of them they were laughing, smiling, hugging, kissing, being near each other and openly happy to do so. but this... this was nowhere near those idealistic situations. there was none of the warmth he might have expected in her tone. there wasn't even a smile, at least not one wide enough for him to notice, for pete's sake. she might as well be starting a conversation with a casual acquaintance about the weather. ash knew that his idea of a instead forgiveness and happiness might be far fetched, but was it too much to ask for for a bit of real friendliness rather than just regular cordiality? "i-" he went to respond, but his voice failed him, causing him to fall back into another short silence, eyes scanning over her face, absorbing every last detail and change that he'd missed over the last eighteen years. "rosa, i-" he should be answering his question, but honestly that was the last thing on his mind at the moment, the last priority. and, of course, that brought the question: what was his priority? ...he wanted the answer to that, too. ashton was known in ireland for being charismatic. being in front of the media since he was an infant had forced him to grow up knowing how to talk to people, how to be charming, to never falter in a conversation. this was one of the few situations he could remember when he was at a loss for words, with too many things to say and no way to organize them to say them. "nevermind me. how have you been?" she was the one who'd been left behind with all of her issues while he'd moved on to a 'happy' life in america. he'd much rather know how she was than go on with meaningless 'i'm all right. happy in america. blah blah blah" jabber that meant nothing to either of them. words; 873 tag; rosa! note; <3333 template made by missickle

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[ROSA BRENNAN]

[atrb=border,0,true] and i'm so sorry that i loved you sorry that i needed you eight years. he had eight years to contact her. to find her or even write her. he, of all people, should have known that she would have never been able to afford moving out of that house. that she always lived in the same puny hut looking house she called home. how could he get her pregnant and then just run away? during the first few months that she was pregnant, she was scared witless. from the morning sickness to the strange cravings to not being able to sleep at night. he had no idea just how much she had needed him. and he had abandoned her. she had never felt so alone in her life. she had no idea what to do. she was only seventeen for crying out loud. she barely understood high school, let alone anything about being pregnant. but it was his fault her baby was gone. then again, maybe it was for the better. that way her baby wouldn't grow up without a father. she knew what that was like. she had grown up without either of her parents. she raised herself while she raised her siblings. she had gone through a lot of trial and error with the kids. every wrong step her siblings took felt like she had done something wrong and she was to blame entirely. but you learn from your mistakes. at least she was there to be a parent for her siblings. she didn't need them growing up, having to learn to take care of themselves at a young age like she had. she had made so many mistakes in her life and the biggest regret was letting her baby go. her unborn child may not have a father, but it would have had a family. she knew her siblings would have loved it just as much as she would have. and it killed her to know that ashton hadn't even given a single care towards it. did he even care that it killed her to kill the baby? did he even stop and think about just how much he broke her heart? they used to spend every minute of every day possible together, just talking and laughing about anything and everything. did he even love her? or were the hand holding, kisses, and sex all just one big game for him? was it just a fuck and go to him? see how long it took for him to get into her pants? no. he wasn't that cruel. that much she knew. he had loved her at one point. or at least getting to loving her. but that was a long time ago, and feelings change. people change. but then again, there were people like her. people who will never change. who can't change. she was just stuck. stuck in the life of low class people who constantly struggled to make ends meet. people like her who tried to think positively so that they could make it through the day. she was the same old rosa. the girl who worked herself way too hard, who took on too many responsibilities, worried way too much about other people, and didn't dare stop to watch the world spin. there was no time for that. she had mouths to feed, bills to pay, jobs to keep. people saw stubborn, she saw driven. they said she was spreading herself way too thin, she called it hardworking. everyone knew that working hard pays off. people said she was working herself to death just so she could forget, but really, she was just keeping herself busy so she could get things done faster. but no matter what she told herself, no matter how hard she tried to distract herself, ashton rarely left her mind. it didn't help that he was everywhere she went. he was the ice cream shop they used to skip school for. he was flower garden he took her to. he was the park they used to sneak off to for a walk. but he was also on the tv screen that never stopped talking. he was on the newspapers and magazines. he was the name whispered in every teenage girl's lips. even if she wanted to forget about him, there was no way that was possible. but the one thing that did change about rosa was rarely caught on by anyone. she never smiled anymore. maybe forced polite grins or fake laughter at a joke her coworker cracked. but not once did she have a genuine smile on her face. not since she was seventeen. to be honest, though, even she couldn't remember the last time she truly smiled. why did it matter though? no one noticed. no one cared enough to notice. and if no one cared, why should she? it was just a smile. nothing important. she had nothing to smile about anymore. especially not in this moment even though she had dreamed about this for as long as she could remember. when he initially left, she used to imagine him coming home for months. he'd surprise her or she'd run into him. and every time, she had taken her first opportunity to jump into his arms and never want to let go. he'd laugh at her, thinking she was silly. and then she would smile because she had been the one to make him laugh. not someone else. her. but it had been too long. years. they had been hopeless dreams. dreams that left nothing but bitterness and disappointment. she glanced expectantly at him, waiting for his response, but he just started and then trailed off before starting again. she had to admit. she loved hearing her name roll of his tongue. she always had. it just made her warm and fuzzy on the inside even though it was nothing special. it wasn't even a pet name or a nickname. it was just her name. people in new york mostly called her "ro" so it had been a while since anyone really called her rosa, but still. something about the way ashton spoke her name just sent electric shocks through her body. still, she had to remind herself how he made her feel when he left. she couldn't forget that. she couldn't forget the way her heart broke or the way she cried herself to sleep at night or the fact that she had been left alone with the pregnancy. or that he was part of the plan for her to get an abortion. she couldn't forget any of that. rosa nearly laughed at his face when he turned the question on her. it was amazing just how quickly the anger boiled in her. which was quite surprising to herself. she had never been an angry person. assertive, maybe, but she was also patient. she never raised her voice, but her disappointment always showed in her voice. but this time... it was different. she was truly pissed at him for even daring to ask that question. "you are not seriously asking me that." she said through gritted teeth. "i waited months, years, for you! to hear from you!" she exclaimed, letting out a sarcastic laugh, rolling her eyes. "after everything i've lost, you ask me this now?" she asked, her voice raised as she glared at him before shaking her head, "you know what? no. you don't get to ask me that." she hissed to him before turning away to head back towards her pile of things on the beach further up, wanting to get away from him. tag: ashton / wearing: this / notes: she's piiiiiissed :S

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[ASHTON GRANDE]

MY PRIDE STILL FEELS THE STING

YOU WERE MY EVERYTHING

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: B8B8B8; border: #550505 solid 4px; width: 400px; padding: 15 5 15 5px;] what ashton had done probably wouldn't make sense to most people that knew their situation. he could understand why rosa would be peeved with him... but other people didn't see what had happened with him. they didn't see him fighting with his parents, having to be dragged away by his own 'bodyguard' before he actually got into a fist fight with his father. they didn't see him try to sneak out of the house unnoticed over ten times, each time thwarted by the brainwashed servants of the family who raised the alarm the moment they noticed him missing from his room where he was supposed to be studying, or grabbed by family security guards as they saw him trying to nonchalantly go to his car, as though he had permission to go out into town, and therefore to go see rosa, alone. they didn't have the inside view to the grande's lifestyle to see that the way he had been raised, respect for his parents was everything. behind every happy smiley photoshoot of the family there was a mother, scolding him out of the side of her mouth for his tie not being straight, or for smiling too widely, and a father whose critical gaze made even the muscle security guards shrink. money and status was everything to the grande's. appearances kept that money and status stable, or in the case of wealth it enabled it to keep rolling in. ashton had been taught since a young age that he was the future of the family, his father's business, he needed to conduct himself accordingly so that he would never jeopardize his father's 'legacy'. he had never wanted to abandon rosa, he'd fought them every second of the way until he was on that plane to america, but what could he do? he'd just been a teenager, and though he'd felt on top of the world he had had no power, no money, no control over anything. he wasn't privileged enough to have siblings that he could turn to for support- all that he had ever had in terms of family were his parents. perhaps others might say that he could have cut off ties from his parents, removed himself from their lives and from their favor so that he could be with rosa if not when he was a teenager, than when he became an adult, but to ashton that had never been an option. he might not like many of the decisions his parents made, especially those concerning sending him to america, but they were his parents. he'd believed that rosa would be fine, with the information he'd been given it had seemed it would be... he'd thought that the baby had been put up for adoption, and it seemed logical to think that he should stay away from her. they wouldn't have a kid to look after, and what was the point of hurting her by coming back to her only to have to leave and ignore her again before his dad found they were in contact once more? ash knew that he could be many things, stupid probably being at the top of that list most days, but he wasn't heartless. he never wanted to hurt her. "you are not seriously asking me that." internally he cringed at her tone of voice, the cold disdain that he thought he could hear. he deserved it... but he didn't like it. the tone was harsh and wrong coming from her, or at least the 'her' that he had known back in ireland. she'd always been so sweet and gentle, real and not fake like most of the girls he met... such a tone didn't belong with her voice. "i waited months, years, for you! to hear from you!" "r-" he began, but stopped himself almost instantly. what could he say? nothing. he had left her, without warning, and right now he was really hating himself for not trying harder to contact her, for not saying 'screw it' to his parents and family loyalty and the entire family image, though the repercussions on his own life would have been severe. "after everything i've lost, you ask me this now?" the daggers in her eyes sliced right through him, making him feel worse than ever. he really didn't know what he could say. a reunion hadn't been something he'd been expecting, and definitely not a reunion as hostile as this, so he hadn't had the time to prepare anything to say. "you know what? no. you don't get to ask me that." and before he could react she was stalking away along the beach, away from him. maybe he should have just let her go, given her the time to cool off... or just let her go for good. after all, his father wouldn't be happy that he'd seen her even this one time, but he couldn't just let her leave like this so, before he had the time to rethink his option, he was running to catch up with her, one hand wrapping around her arm, trying to stop her. "please, don't. you have no idea how sorry i am for disappearing on you, but can't you- can't we... i mean, can we just talk? please." words; too lazy tag; rosa! note; D8 template made by missickle

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