exit wounds , rhian

[SEAN ORWELL]

A MILLION PIECES OF ME ON THE FLOOR

marks of battle, they still feel raw

his legs were twitching and his lips were forming the words that were being screamed at by him in his dream world. a layer of sweat mixed with guilt was covering his body and his eyes had finally popped open to escape the images but everything was still so fresh. the rope, the knots, her reaction, all of it was there and sean had no plan on how to get her help or even get her to accept the idea of being violated in such a way. he did not want the girl to bottle anything up but sean was being hypocritical in a sense because he was bottling up his own emotions and opinions at the same time. brushing a hand over his face, rubbing at his eyes and nose, he found his cheeks were wet and it was not because of the heat of the blanket but the exertion of tears from his eyes. he rubbed at them again and again, trying to stop the flood from rushing down his face and it seemed to be working but sean found that he could not sit in his bed like this and had to be moving. he was well aware that dean was most likely at a cage fight but there was the possibility of him being asleep in bed with rhian as sean was unaware of the time. slipping the sheets off his body, he pulled himself to a standing position and began to pace around the small bedroom in an attempt to calm himself down. the pacing was doing nothing for him and he whipped his door open and stepped into the hallway which was a bigger space, and repeated the process. no matter how many times that he paced, he was not feeling his vitals slowing down. his heart was still racing, sweat still covered his body and he had this feeling of shaking when he actually was not. running a hand over his face, he retreated into the kitchen for a glass of water, sipping it against the counter in the darkness while staring into space.

[RHIAN LENOIRE]

Rhian was worried. Dean was out really damned late that night and it frightened her. She had a mind and a half to figure out where the hell it was that he was going this late at night, but as far as things stood, she knew that staying up this late and doing nothing but worrying about him wasn't going to help her or the baby. But she needed some damned answers from him. Just then, she heard a door in the apartment open and wondered if he had finally come home. With half a mind to give him a piece of her mind, she threw a robe on and headed out of the bedroom.

She flipped the light on in the kitchen when she heard someone in there. "Dean?" She was startled, however, to see Sean standing there instead. And he looked horrible. She knew he'd been crying. She could see it. Placing the back of her hand against her lips, she crossed the room towards him. It didn't matter that she was so damned small in comparison to him. She worried about him. She always worried about him regardless of the way he wound up treating her. She wrapped her arms around him. "Sean, Sweetie, what's the matter?"

[SEAN ORWELL]

A MILLION PIECES OF ME ON THE FLOOR

marks of battle, they still feel raw

sean had not put his future sister in law into consideration when making so much nose including the door opening and the fetching of water, his pacing, his muttering—but the lights flicking on gave him the realization that she had been awake. grumbling a curse under his breath, he wiped at his eyes and moved around her to shut off the light, ”that kind of hurt..”

[/b] he muttered while taking another sip of his water to quench his now dry throat. he had been holding in sob after sob, trying to keep the noise down in case dean was still around but it was obvious that with rhian standing in the kitchen that his brother was out fighting once more to bring in some extra money. he wiped at the streaks on his cheek and shook his head, making the attempt to remove her gentle touch from his undeserving skin. he had no reason to have praise or worry from anyone after that act that was commited and he shrugged at her, ”nothing?”[/b] he said calmly and coolly, trying to drop the subject all together but his mind was not allowing that to happen. images flashed in his eyes and he dropped the empty cup to the floor to press the palm of his hands into his eyes, trying to cease the remembering. ”make it stop! make it all go away!”[/b] he shouted with an underlying insanity to his voice as sean felt as though he was losing his mind. he felt as though nothing was going right in his life and that the only light that had been there was now dimming with the violent act that tore away her innocence, and he did nothing to stop it. crumbling to the floor, his knees finally giving out underneath him, sean leaned his head back while his knees tucked into his chest, curling himself into a protective position. ”I’m sorry..i’m sorry I swear..i tried..”[/b], not taking about his past abuse but his current predicament where the girl that he loved was dying inside and he could do nothing to save her, and did nothing to stop the act from occurring.[/div][/center]

[RHIAN LENOIRE]

Rhian was rather used to Sean's snarky nature, but she had a feeling that the younger man was in more pain than he ever let on to being in. She couldn't blame him in the least and she never did blame him. She couldn't. After everything that she knew Dean had gone through, she could only imagine how hard it had been for Sean as well. She wasn't surprised either when he shrugged her off. It was all par for the course, but it wasn't going to stop her from trying. He was hurting right now and Rhian couldn't help but feel like one of the only people in the world that gave a shit about these two boys.

She didn't believe him in the least when he said nothing was wrong. A grown boy didn't cry like that unless something was very wrong, but she backed off a step... Until the cup he had been drinking from hit the ground and the sudden outburst he gave. And she watched as the boy with a chip on his shoulder all but curled into a ball on the floor. Rhian's heart shattered into a million pieces for him as she dropped down on the ground beside him. "Sean, Sweetheart. You tried what? Talk to me..." She said gently as she placed a soothing hand on his arm, trying to figure out what the hell she could do for him.

No one would ever do this to her little boy. No one would ever make him feel this way just as she would do everything in her power to make sure that Sean understood that she was there for him, regardless of what he needed.

[SEAN ORWELL]

A MILLION PIECES OF ME ON THE FLOOR

marks of battle, they still feel raw

the images flashed in his mind causing sean to slowly spiral into insanity for just a moment as he thrashed his arms to the simple touch, ”don’t!”

[/b] he hissed out, being the hostile individual that he usually was. he pushed himself further back, moving to the wall that was adjacent to where she was kneeling on the ground. he kicked the cup away from him, wrapping his arms around himself but sean still felt the chills of the cold floor that was beneath him. ”I tried rhi…I tried to hard to fight it…and them and save her..”[/b], speaking to the floor, his arms now dangling over his knees in an attempt to calm himself in a fettle position. he needed a hug, he needed his brother but his future sister in law would do the trick. he wiped at his eyes quickly, wiping away any sign of weakness but his voice had been cracking and his mind was untamed in the images that it was presenting instead of locking things away like normal. things that involved himself, including his own initation hazing, had been locked away to remind himself that he was strong enough to live through them by not thinking about him. the abuse of his past was hardly remembered but the scars littered across his arms, legs and back was evident that it had happened and so had this. but that moment in time was not directly affecting him, tilting his head back, his eyes glazed over with a distant look as the tiles of the ceiling pulled him into his own conscious for just a moment before blinking, ”I love her…and I couldn’t save her…she’s broken and torn up…and it’s all my fault..”[/b], his hysterics had calmed down but his eyes were now shut, screwing tighter and tighter to push the images from his mind but his mind was not letting up on this issues and everything was coming back in a haunting remembrance. .[/div][/center]

[RHIAN LENOIRE]

Rhian flinched away a little when he shook her off again. She didn't know how to help him and she felt completely and utterly useless in the morning. She wanted so badly to reach out to him, but she didn't know how. She didn't doubt that Dean would have known what to do in the moment, but there wasn't a chance in hell that she was going to leave him alone when he was going through this. But he finally started speaking and she looked at him. She was confused as to who he was talking about and what was going on, but she listened. "Who, Sean?" She murmured gently. But she wasn't sure if he had heard her or if he wanted to respond at all, because a moment later, he continued on.

Her heart broke again. Sean was in love... and she was willing to guess who it was that he was in love with. Somehow Greyson had been hurt. She was painting a mental picture in her mind, but the conclusion she jumped to brought more tears to her eyes in the moment. 'Oh, Sean...." She said, swallowing past a lump in her throat. "That guilt... It's enough to eat away at you, Sweetheart. I know... I know all too well. When I think about what almost happened to Dean... what happened to you when those guys came into the apartment... I blame myself for that. And it hurts. I know how much it hurts... But your brother and you have been trying to drill it through my head that it wasn't my fault that I was in the wrong place at the wrong time when I saw that deal go down." She told him. She swallowed and shook her head. "And Sweetie, this isn't your fault either. It's not her fault. The only people to blame are the ones who hurt her."

[SEAN ORWELL]

A MILLION PIECES OF ME ON THE FLOOR

marks of battle, they still feel raw

his back was pressed into the cabinet that housed the pots and pans and he wanted to bang them together like a child to drown out the voice of rhian and the images in his head. the prospect of knocking himself out with one of the blunt tools was also rather appealing but the male would not have the guts to inflict such damage to himself and instead, his palms continued to be pressed into his eyes. he wanted dots, stars, anything in his vision but those images of the love of his life tied to a bed, being touched, violated and his thrashing doing nothing to help her. he let out a sob, the tears trailing down his face as he shook his head as the feelings that he had were obvious; the harsh male was in love and with a girl that he could now never have. she was just going to associate him with the horrible violation of her own body and mind and sean could not bear to be that kind of burden in her life. ”no..it’s not the same..it’s not the same at all! you don’t understand. they…”

[/b] he shook his head to the thought of his own teammates making that bold of a move, that sick of an act to initiate one another and to bond, ”tied her…and touched her…she screamed for me..”[/b] he shook his head, turning to avert his eyes from his sister in law, sniffling and letting out another sob from his parched, cracked lips. sean had not really taken care of himself, trying his best to keep greyson comfortable, and losing weight and sleep in his own right, love making him sacrifice his own health for her well-being. however, nothing was well, greyson wasn’t and sean wasn’t either. ”…greyson…she just…doesn’t want to remember it, she won’t…accept it, she won’t talk about it. I don’t want her to bottle it up rhi..i want her to speak and scream, hit me, punch me, shoot me…anything to get the emotions out. it’s killing her rhi…I’m killing her..”[/b], his voice cracking at the last part as suddenly wrapped his arms around her, his head dropping to bury into her neck but being careful of the bump that was carrying his nephew, sobbing into her shoulder like a baby but sean just felt more worthless than ever.[/div][/center]

[RHIAN LENOIRE]

He opened up just a little bit more and the picture that Sean painted for her was horrific. She was angry, but not at Sean. She was angry at the animals that had done that to Greyson and forced him to watch it all as it unfolded. She was angry that the world could be so cruel to two young people like that. What the hell was it about human nature that made such inherently disgusting individuals? Greyson needed help and that much was more than apparent to Rhian, but at the moment, her brother-in-law needed help just as badly, if not more. He was so broken at the moment that she wanted, desperately, to reach out to him and help him. But she didn't have to. A moment later, he wrapped his arms around her and hugged her, laying his head on her shoulder. She lay her cheek against the top of his head and held him tightly. "It might take time, Sean... It might take time before she can get herself to that point." She murmured gently. She knew that probably wasn't what he was going to want to hear, but it was the truth. "Does she know how much you love her, Sean? Does she understand how much you beat yourself up over this? You're making yourself sick, Sean. Neither of you deserve to have gone through all of this." She closed her eyes a moment and cried for him. She felt hopeless and helpless at the moment. She felt like there wasn't a damned thing she could do for either of them at the moment. "She needs to open up to someone... Just like you did."

[SEAN ORWELL]

A MILLION PIECES OF ME ON THE FLOOR

marks of battle, they still feel raw

time was not the word that he wanted to hear, and he thrashed in her hold but remained stationary as sean could have easily pushed the small girl away but the need for comfort was greater than his anger at this moment. he had spent too much time actually being angry at himself and his teammates and had not taken the time to actually think about what else needed to be done. practice had been skipped a number of times and aggression had taken him over on the field when he was confronted with the four attackers, and sean was not meant to attack them. he got spurts of energy, anger powering him to push them to their limits and then cause physical pain that appeared accidental. he felt horrible for it as sean was a violent guy, it was never on purpose for him to physically harm another because sean was more bark than bite. he had the skills needed to fight but took the approach to threaten but that night, he had never wanted to end a life so fast or have himself hate someone that much. the males did an impossible task by harming someone that he really cared for, loved even and sean was unsure if greyson had been picked by random selection or it was intentional for her to be plucked out of the crowd of extremely intoxicating girls. ”no…no she doesn’t and how can I tell her know!? she hates me rhi…she sees me and sees them, it and it breaks her down all over again but she won’t talk to anyone, and especially not to me. that night…she ran out crying and then was smiling two seconds later..i don’t understand you girls and your emotions and coping and…”

[/b], he let out a loud scream of anguish, muffling it by biting down on his own t-shirt and taking deep breaths while his tears leaked out all the pain and guilt that he was feeling in forms of tears. his body rocked in a comforting manner, attempting to return to a normal state of sanity, but his mind was screaming revenge and was not letting up on the idea of ending the lives of the three males.[/div][/center]