When I'm Gone -- Genny

[dallas]

To: Ganette Xavier
Cc/Bcc, From: [e-mail]
Subject:

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Hey beautiful,

Just mailing you to let you know that I'm safe and sound. Everything's okay over here. All the boys are getting pretty wired for sound about getting back out there and into the thick of things. It's like watching over a group of toddlers getting rangy over a new toy. I guess I'm getting my practice in now looking after the boys, huh?

How are things back there? I hope Mama's not driving you absolutely insane yet. She means well and I know she adores you. She's trying to make herself as readily available as she can in the event that you do need something while I'm gone. And I mean it, Genny... you need anything at all, even just someone to talk to, you make sure you pick up that phone and call her. If you need anything more immediate, Nate's already said that he's just a phone call away. I'm worried about you, even though I probably shouldn't be.

I'd better be getting pictures from you as the months drag on. I'm looking forward to seeing our babies grow as best I can from here. I miss you like hell already, but it won't be long before I'm there again. Keep in touch, but don't be alarmed if I go a few days without mailing back. We don't always wind up in parts of the world where the internet is standard issue. Not to mention, there'll be times while I'm out on mission and a cease-communication order is given. But I'll always write when I have the chance.

I love you so much.
Dallas

[GANETTE XAVIER]

To: Dallas Xavier
From: [e-mail]
Subject:

Hey Honey,

Thank goodness you're still safe. But hey now, don't take your boys for granted, we both know you love them more than anything. And besides, the extra practice will do you some good. I'm sure if you can handle grown men, you can handle two little girls. Well, at least until they reach their teens. Which reminds me, I had an ultrasound two days ago. Our girls are as healthy as they will ever be. The doctor was even impressed on how well they are developing. That didn't come with too much shock. They have your DNA, obviously they're perfect so far.

And as for your mama, well i'm surprised she hasn't grown tired of me. I call her pretty much every day and we talk until the sun rises. She helps me by letting me talk her ear off when I can't sleep, which has been happening more and more lately. And Nate, well, i'd rather not disturb him. I know he's there if I need anything but really, i'm still able to do everything on my own. When I can't see my toes, then he'll probably have to move in for a while so I can have someone to help me stand up. I know that you're worried but well, i'm just as worried about you as you are of me. Honestly that's really taken a toll on things. I've spent some long nights with myself and the clock when your mama isn't able to answer.

Cassie and I have been spending an increasingly large amount of time together. I figured I needed to get to know my sister-in-law a little better so she can become more to me than just "the baker who married my husbands twin." We've just been doing the girl stuff, shopping, nails, etc. And we're even putting together ideas for a baby shower here in the next couple months.

Please don't trouble yourself for a mailing every five seconds. I understand that you can't just drop everything to talk to me, but I do like to know that you're safe and still have all your limbs. I love you so much and miss you like crazy but, there's nothing that we can really do to change that right now. But as soon as anything happens, I would love for you to keep me updated. I'm very glad to hear from you.

I love you and miss you,
Ganette

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[dallas]

To: Ganette Xavier
Cc/Bcc, From: [e-mail]
Subject:

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You gotta scan me a copy of the ultrasound and email it to me when you have a chance. I wanna see it. And maybe even run around here like a mad man with it and shove it in people's faces. One of the guys from another platoon went home last week because his wife was giving birth. She had the baby three days ago and this morning we all woke up to cigars being passed around. So I'm not the only crazy one around here. I know damned well that I'll be looking forward to meeting the girls when they come.

Mama knows how hard it is to worry and wait. She's done it for ten years with two boys. And I know she adores you. She really and honestly does. She emailed me yesterday to let me know how things were going on the ranch and told me that you'd been calling her a lot. She said she liked hearing from you and then tried to convince me to convince you to let her stay with you for the last two months of your pregnancy. So this is me trying to convince you. Is it working?

I'm glad you and Cassie are getting along well. It never ceases to amaze me just how quickly you ladies are adjusting to things. Cassie's one hell of a woman and I hope she keeps that brother of mine in line. She's taken on a lot with him. And now, suddenly, she's a mom to a 10 month old baby. Good lord. Make sure that brother of mine keeps in line, huh?

All of my limbs are definitely still here. In fact, I'm more in fear for my limbs while you're in labor than I am in fear of them right where I am now. I'm still gonna hold on to my promise, Babe. I will be there when the twins are born. I'll be there for all three of you. You're my world.

Love You,
Dallas

[GANETTE XAVIER]

To: Dallas Xavier
From: [e-mail]
Subject:

Good to know you're just as excited about this as I am. Of course, you have some kind of superiority over the other men, I encourage you to shove the pictures in their faces. And while you're shoving it in their faces, make sure to tell the other guy congrats for me. I respect any woman able to put up with you military men. :P

Good to know that your mama loves me. That woman is my safe haven I swear. If there is anyone on this planet that is meant to be my role model, well it would be none other than your mama. And as for her living with me for the last couple of months, I'd rather fly down there for the last couple of months. I've had an itch to go to Texas, and if we didn't live so far away from there I would. Of course, we got to get the girls home safely somehow. But i'm sure they'll be as safe as they can be for the rest of their lives with you as their father.

Don't worry about Nate. Cassie's got him just as whipped as you are. And surprisingly, she's still as sweet as the cake she makes. Even though the wedding was quick and sudden, I don't think your brother would be able to stand any other woman. And as for me, well I like to think that i'm the only woman you can tolerate besides your mama. She's the exception here.

I would never expect you to break that promise. I'm glad you still have all of your limbs. It will make it just that much easier to raise the girls. Have you thought of any names yet? I'm still trying to think up some cute ones. Maybe ones that go together, or ones that are completely different. I guess it just depends on how alike they look. Anyways, enough with the baby talk, stay safe and get plenty of rest.

I love you,
Ganette

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[dallas]

To: Ganette Xavier
Cc/Bcc, From: [e-mail]
Subject:

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Will do. He's spending two weeks at home with the new baby and mommy before he heads on back over here. I'll make sure to pass on the congratulations to him when he gets back here. I think of all the other guys over here right now, I'm the one who appreciates what he was going through on the days leading up to her giving birth most of all. I haven't been through it yet, but I'm working up to that level of anticipation and he knows how much it sucked being away from his woman while she was going through nine months of pregnancy. And it really does suck.

And it really does take a special kind of woman to be able to put up with men like us. So kudos to you and all the others out there. They say that behind every great man there's an even better woman. I'd have to say that's definitely true in this case. Not that we really believe any of us to be 'great' men.

Well... honestly... I mean... if you wanna head to Texas in a few months, Genny, I know Mama wouldn't object to having you around. There'd be plenty to do there to keep you occupied even into your later months of pregnancy. There's always guests at the ranch to cook for or entertain. And rather than hoping a plane to Myrtle Beach when I'm done deployment, I'll head straight to Texas. Actually, it'd probably be easier for me to get a flight to Texas than it would be to Myrtle Beach and I'd probably be there faster. I mean, it's completely up to you, but if it's something you're serious about, I'll talk to Mama about it and get things in motion. I want you to be comfortable and happy. That's all I ever want. We can worry about getting the twins home later, even if we have to drive back to Myrtle Beach.

You and my Mama are the only two women in the world that matter to me. But don't get me wrong, I'll be looking after Cassie while Nate's deployed as well, just as I know Nate's looking after you the best he knows how. We're brothers. It's what we do and how we get by.

Baby names.... baby names... I kinda like Amanda, in all honesty... Naturally, if she turns out to be a tomboy, I'll call her Manny. But whatever. But honestly... I mean... we have a while to think up names. I'll think about it though and get back to you when I come up with a list, yeah?

Love You,
Dallas

[GANETTE XAVIER]

To: Dallas Xavier
From: [e-mail]
Subject:

Really? Okay well, it was really just an idea for Texas but, if we can make it work, it would be wonderful. I need to see your mama again, I feel like the phone company is about to come over and shoot me for usuing it so often. And besides, it would be nice to have her around to help me also. She's all the company I'll need, well, at least until you come back. And besides, I'd love to see the countryside out there. It'd be worth every second of it. Our girls will be Texas born, and well, that's good enough for me. And the fact that it would be easier for you to get back here just pushes me further towards that direction. The faster you come back to the states, the better.

I'll just go ahead and say on how shocked I am of how you can come up with such a cute name out of the blue. I've been searching for names forever and, that is definitely a valid option for names. Still amazing me. I have a feeling we'll be in our sixties and seventies and you'll still be finding ways on how to impress me. Of course, what would impress me even more is if your brother actually gets to a point where he isn't nervous around Cassie. He's married to the woman and still has trouble with perfect sentences around her. It's the funniest thing, you should see it when she surprise kisses him. His face is priceless.

How many people visit the ranch per week would you say? I really need something to keep me occupied and well, cooking and entertaining guests would be enough for me. Might as well get to know the people around since i'd hope they'd be easily entertainable...or do I need to work on my juggling? I feel like clown school would be a fun thing to try. What do you think?

Oh, and here's some good news for you, I've got the ultrasound pictures and their making their way over to you as I write this. I hope you like them, but please don't faint. I'm not sure what that would do to your image around there. Gotta keep up that manly reputation right? Right. :P I think the girls know when i'm talking to you, or thinking about you. The hormones seem to kick in every time you're mentioned. Maybe it's my pregnant mind going crazy. I'd believe that, no problem.

I love you,
Ganette

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[dallas]

To: Ganette Xavier
Cc/Bcc, From: [e-mail]
Subject:

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If anything, I think the phone company probably loves you to bits and pieces right now. But hell yeah, we can make it work. Just make sure you keep in touch with the doctor about when it will or will not be safe for you to fly while pregnant. I just e-mailed Mama talking to her about it, so if you get a phone call soon from her spazzing out, you know it's all a go. Two Texas born little girls. You know they're gonna have to go back to see Grams in the summer so that she can teach them how to horse back ride and things of the like, right? She might even get you on a horse.

Yeah? You like Amanda? I do too. I also kinda like Rebecca. Becca or Beks for short. I have a thing for shortening up the girl's names to make them sound a little more tomboyish for the simple fact that it usually winds up being the case that any girl who has a really girly name ends up being a tomboy and cursing their parents for it. I dunno. I'm probably just being a total man about this whole naming thing, but I'm still working on it.

Per week? Well... there's about 35 guest rooms and houses on premise and during the summer, Mama's usually pretty booked up. During the Christmas season she picks up again a bit, and then from there it's usually pretty clear sailing. I'd say on an average week though, there's probably ten to fifteen people hanging around. And no, you don't have to work on your juggling. Just be open for conversation or just talking about pretty well anything. Leave the backbreaking labor to the ranch hands... and me once I get there... Lord knows Mama'll put me to work once I get there late winter.

I'm not gonna faint this time around. I already know you're pregnant. I reserve the right to faint whenever I wind up being told life-altering things like that. You know how much I wanted a family with you, so it stood to reason that I'd be exceptionally excited when you finally wound up pregnant. And I was. And maybe the girls do know when you're talking to me. I'm not complaining in the least. I just want them to be able to know their Daddy's voice when they come into the world.

I'm afraid, Genny... I'm not going to lie to you. I'm afraid that I'll be deployed after the babies are a few months old. I'm afraid I'll come home six months later again and they won't even recognize me as their Daddy. I'm afraid that they won't be able to connect with me in any way. I'm afraid they'll think I don't love them because I keep leaving them. I'm just... afraid in every way possible when it comes to being a father. But like every challenge I come across, I'm going to look it in the eye, face it down and do the best I can because I know I have the most incredible woman by my side and along for the journey.

Love You and Thinking About You,
Dallas

[GANETTE XAVIER]

To: Dallas Xavier
From: [e-mail]
Subject:


Dallas, you have every right to be afraid. But when our girls are born, the first thing they will be taught is how much their father loves them. How much we both love them. If you have to leave after the first few months, well hell, there is nothing we can do to change that. But what we can do is let them know how much you care about them. How much you're willing to give to keep all of us safe. And that's the greatest lesson those girls will ever learn. By the time they're old enough, they'll be begging you to scare away monsters or beat up some boy who called them names. They'll know you, and they'll love you like nothing else in the world, just like me.

As for the entertaining guests? I feel like taking on the role of a housewife wouldn't be too terrible. I'm sure your mama could teach me things i've never known before. She's already taught me so many cool tricks on how to get the girls to fall asleep faster and eat everything they need to. I'm sure glad she's such a wise woman. I'd take her over some other mother-in-law any day. I can't believe all these women hate their in-laws as much as they do. I mean, I absolutely love mine. And besides, I need someone to help me entertain. Who else to help me but her? I feel like putting on an image needs to become a second nature for me. A Navy Seal's wife has a job that is never done I swear.

Have you recieved the pictures yet? I hope they get to you soon if not. Even though they still look like little aliens I still cry every time I see them. I have another appoitment here in the next couple of months. The doctor said that we should be able to see more defined features. And by the rate they're growing, i'm sure they won't have any trouble looking like normal human babies. Of course the size of my stomach won't stop growing either. I've been taking yoga with Cai a lot, it really helps and the instructor said it takes off a lot of the stress caused by pregnancy. I swear, i've never been so dedicated to something in my life. Well, besides our marriage of course. You're brother has been wonderful these past few days. He calls me pretty much every day to make sure that I don't need anything. I swear if he wasn't your brother I would slap him, no, actually I might still slap him. I need the phone to talk to your mama, not your brother.

I thank you so much for being such a wonderful man. A wonderful husband, best friend, and when the times comes, a wonderful father. All the way over there and still finding time to keep in contact with me to make sure everything is okay. I couldn't ask for anything more. It really means a lot.

I miss you and love you very much,
Ganette.

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[dallas]

To: Ganette Xavier
Cc/Bcc, From: [e-mail]
Subject:

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I honestly hope you're right, Baby. I don't ever want those girls to think that I don't love them or that I don't want to be there with them. Because I do. Christ... I can't even begin to explain what it is that goes through my head when I leave on deployment. A part of me... a big part of me, mind you, wants to be there with you so badly that it hurts... Another part of me... the soldier, knows that I'm one of only a very few that can do what I do. I'm expected to lead my boys and take care of them... I just... I know that might not even make sense to you but... I don't know how else to explain it.

It's true. Being my wife isn't going to be easy. It never is. But I love you and I'll never stop loving you. And I'll never stop being grateful to you for putting up with all of the bullshit that you put up with while you're with me. I'll never stop appreciating you. And I only hope that my love and the way I try to make up for not being there with you when I am there with you is enough for you and will continue to be enough for you for the next few years. I'm not going to be a SEAL forever, Baby. In spirit, maybe, but physically... no. And when my time's done... all of my time thereon out will be dedicated to loving you and raising our children.

I got the pictures! I can't believe that those are our babies! They're so tiny right now. So freaking tiny... I think the alien appearance comes from my side of the family. Sorry. Nate still looks like an alien as far as I'm concerned. ;) Speaking of, he's just holding up on his end of the deal because he knows that if you're not taken care of, I'll come back home and whoop his ass. By the way... what do you think of the name Clarissa? Or just Claire?

I love you and miss you so much.
Dallas

[GANETTE XAVIER]

To: Dallas Xavier
From: [e-mail]
Subject:

Our girls will have big hearts and strong heads. If they grow up and not know how much you love them, well, then we raised them wrong. It would be our fault. Not theirs. Please don't lose sight of what is important to you. I know you miss me, and want to be here. And believe me there's nothing I wouldn't do to have you back here, but you have a commitment. A commitment to your country. And that's what keeps us safe. It's what keeps every day American's going on with their every day lives. And I thank god for every day I get to thank you for all that you've done, and to give you the appreciation you deserve. I know you won't be a SEAL forever, but you will be a father and a husband forever.

Nate has really been more helpful than not. He even helped me with the groceries the other day in exchange for me teaching him how to properly put together a list. I swear, he still has the mind of a 13 year old boy. I wonder how Cassie puts up with him. Anyways, he made a pretty bad decision though when he came over and Summer and Cai were there. I think he's completely deaf in his left ear. Mostly because he came over when I was showing them the ultrasound pictures.

Speaking of ultrasound pictures, I'm glad you got them! By the way, I don't think Nate looks like an alien. Because if he did, so would you. Do you forget the way you're identical to him? Well, pretty much just...tattooier. If that's a word anyways. And some more good news for you, well, good news for you not for me. There has been a slight increase in the diameter of my abdomen. So in no time at all there will be one marvelous, pain in the butt baby bump there. When it gets a little larger i'll send you pictures. Shouldn't take too long, with too in there it just accelerates the whole thing. Hopefully by the time I can't stand up on my own, you'll be back home and able to help me. I don't know how patient Nate would be if I "accidentally" stood up and sat down many times in a short span of time. Probably shouldn't push my luck.

I love you very much and miss you every day. Please try not to forget about me all the way over there. Hopefully you'll be home very soon and I won't have to explain the shopping list any longer.

I miss you and love you,
Ganette.

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[dallas]

To: Ganette Xavier
Cc/Bcc, From: [e-mail]
Subject:

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I'd never blame our children for not being close to me if it came down to it. Never. I know it'll be no one's fault but my own. But you're right. We'll do everything in our power to raise them the right way. And the way I look at it... Honestly... they'll probably just be starting school when I get out of the Navy, Genny... I might be out even sooner than that. Who the hell knows? After what happened all those months ago, who knows how long it'll be before I just don't have it in me anymore to keep going?

The two most important jobs in the world to me right now are being a father and husband.

Bahahaha. My brother. Taking one for the team. You know... I think the man's starting to come around and realize that having a family isn't necessarily such a bad thing after all. But Cassie's going to have one hell of a ride ahead of her. I know I'm nearing the end of my career but Nate... I don't think he's anywhere near ready to give it all up. You keep teaching him good though, Genny. You might make a house wife out of him yet.

Tattooier? I don't think it's a real word, but we'll say it is for the sake of the argument. ;) And always remember... look for the tattoos. Hey hey hey... that marvelous bump is going to be beautiful. I could already see it when I left, Genny... you know how they say that a pregnant woman just... glows? That's you, Darlin'. And to me... I've never seen anything more beautiful in my entire life. Shit. I'm getting tears in my eyes thinking about all of this. I wish I could be there for you so much right now. I wish I could wrap my arms around you and feel it as the babies grow every day. And Nate'll be as damned patient with you as you need him to be. If he's not, just remind him of how patient I was with him when I was teaching him how to aim his damned bb gun and he shot me in the ass with it. He owes me. Big.

I could never forget you out here. If anything, the thought of you and what I have waiting for me back at home keeps me sane most days. I feel I should warn you... some of the boys in the platoon have two weeks off coming up. I don't. Only reason being is that I'm holding my two weeks until the end of deployment so that I can make damn sure that I'm home for you. I hope I made the right decision there. It means you're not going to get the chance to see me right now, but I'll be there for you when you need me most of all. I know Mason's flying back home to spend a little bit of time with his girl... I asked him if he'd stop by and drop a little present off for you. Let me know when you get it.

Love You,
Dallas

[[Her gift is like... a silver torque bracelet or something like that. idfk.]]

[GANETTE XAVIER]

To: Dallas Xavier
From: [e-mail]
Subject:

Well whatever happens, happens. By the time the girls start school, well, that's when they'll probably need you the most. I can only do so much with a little girl's emotional feelings. It would be different if they were say, going into high school. But starting out school is so stressful on kids these days. Kids these days? How old am I? Please remind me...

Anyways, I'm not saying I would like for you to finish out earlier than you need to, but it would just make things a hell of a lot easier to have you around. You and I both know that. But in the mean time, if you were to be deployed again right after the girls are born then well, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger right? Besides, I'll have Cai or Summer to come help me every once in a while. I'd call up Nate and Cassie but, they have a daughter of their own to take care of. All the little girls that will be running around here soon, I swear... And hey, If I turn him into a housewife at least I'll know I can make a beauty out of a beast. :)

Yeah, I know that you think the bump is beautiful and everything but...think about it. I've been this skinny all my life. And suddenly, I have to buy pants with elastic waistbands. It's killing me. Not really, i'm probably just being hormonal as usual. But i'll go ahead and snap a few photos and send them your way. They should get there soon I hope. Just ask for some and they'll come. i've been sending even more down to your mama who I swear has worse curiosity than you do. I didn't think it was possible.

I'm glad that you've reserved time to make sure you're back home with me. Although it will be hard to know that when all the men are coming back, you'll still be there. I know that it's for the best, because it is. I think i'll just become a hermit for two weeks so i'm not reminded that you're over there with less people. I know I shouldn't be worried but...I am. Is this the same feeling you have over there? I don't know, I just wish this six months would end already. I miss you too much.

I'm so glad you feel so passionate about this, Dallas. It warms my heart to know that you think i'm glowing. And you know, your opinion really matters to me, so i'm glad your such a smooth talker. Hopefully, by the time you come back, you'll be able to feel just more than the bump. You'll be able to feel them inside of there. It's a little freaky when you think about it, but all in all, i'm actually very excited to be more aware that they're there. But, I don't think Jinx will like me not running with him every day anymore. He's gonna need some extra attention. He's such a baby. Oh yes, the bb gun butt story. I remember this one. Actually it's one of my favorites. You don't have to worry about anything. It's my butt anyways and I like it. So you're good. Oh and by the way, I couldn't help myself so I went out and bought a new pair of boots. They're amazing and cheaper than you would think. Okay, i'm done girling out now.

I hope everything is still going smoothly for you over there. Probably not as smooth as it is over here i'm sure. Why do you keep buying me things? You already did so much with getting stuff ready for the girls. I couldn't ask for anything more you know?

Stay safe and I love you,
Ganette

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